If you are in a toxic relationship, it can become increasingly difficult to live a happy, productive and healthy life.
We all know somebody who can’t stay away from someone that is bad for them or have been in a toxic relationship before. Maybe it’s a friend or member of your family, or maybe it is you.
In fact, most women are thought to like the idea of a “bad boy”. This usually stems from the innate need to “fix” the other person, the romanticised idea that this “bad boy” will change for me, because he loves me.
And that keeps these women stuck in this kind of a relationship.
A toxic relationship can take over your life, leaving you feeling drained, confused, overwhelmed by negative energy, unhappy, unsafe and like there is something fundamentally wrong with you.
What Is a Toxic Relationship?
This is the type of relationship that is destructive to everyone involved in it.
It is usually one which features a narcissist or sociopath.
These types of people tend to always want to be in control of you, they have a knack of getting in your head and making you question yourself.
For the narcissist in the relationship, it is always the other person’s fault and they always think they are the victim and have this whole “it’s me against the world” thing going on.
This kind of relationship is a massive rollercoaster of emotions, with ultimate highs followed swiftly by rock-bottom lows.
What is it about these toxic relationships that is so appealing to the person who keeps going back for more?
Getting Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
The never-ending drama that comes with a toxic relationship creates a reference point for the individual.
This constant state of worry, anxiety, being on edge, wondering what is going to go wrong and how you will be at fault for everything that does go wrong, becomes second nature.
So, you subconsciously set a frame of reference for all these negative emotions and feelings in a relationship.
Your reference points are like energies that you consider your life to be. So, in this case, all the angst, worry, anxiety, not feeling good enough, always at fault etc.
When any of these energies go missing, you subconsciously panic, and start looking for them again.
This is especially so if you have grown up witnessing toxic relationships in your childhood (e.g. parents always fighting, arguing, being disrespectful of one another).
Your brain creates beliefs that this is normal, and that this is what a relationship SHOULD look like.
Even if you consciously are looking for something else, within your psyche, this is your reference point for a relationship.
This becomes a safety blanket, something that your subconscious mind is familiar with.
Ironically, it gives you a sense of security, because you know who you are with all this drama and emotions in a relationship.
So, whenever there is a “danger” of leaving this relationship, or changing it to bring in more harmony, peace and love, you subconsciously freak out.
You will keep making a choice to go back to your frame of reference for what a relationship is.
Therefore, you will either self-sabotage a relationship that could be good for you, or run back to a toxic relationship.
A happy, healthy relationship filled with a mutual respect and understanding feels unsafe, because you have no reference points for this, and it is very unfamiliar to your psyche, and therefore not safe.
This explains this phenomenon of being addicted to bad relationships, or always going back into a relationship you know is toxic.
How Can You Overcome This and Move On?
1) Deal With the Underlying Issues
There is always a reason why you draw narcissistic and over-powering partners. You brain is too smart to create beliefs that you don’t benefit from.
Doing deep inner work, and diving into your subconscious mind to figure out when these types of beliefs were created and why, is a good way to make a rapid shift in your love life.
I work with many clients on this very issue, using ThetaHealing® and Access Consciousness®, which allow us to access all the deeply embedded reference points and re-frame them to create more positive, empowering reference points and help to shift their relationship patterns.
Dealing with the underlying issue will help make a clean, healthy break as well as support you in creating the right foundations for future relationships, without bringing the old relationship baggage with you.
2) Withdrawal Period
Similar to a drug or substance addiction, a person in a toxic relationship becomes addicted to the drama and the extreme highs of the relationship.
When getting out of a toxic relationship, there may be a period of withdrawal.
This is where the individual either blocks out all the painful memories from the relationship, or just focuses on what they want the relationship to look like.
Much like a drug or substance addiction, you have to find ways to overcome the periods of the “craving”.
This could be by engaging in activities that keep your mind occupied (e.g. going to the gym, starting a hobby), surrounding yourself with supportive people to help you through this period, and getting rid of any reminders of the person.
3) Connect With Your Inner Self
Many of my clients that have come out of a toxic relationship have spent so long investing their time, effort and energy into the other person.
They are completely depleted and often no longer even know who they are or what they want, never mind how to get it!
Take some time to understand yourself better, your needs and your desires in a relationship.
Meditation, journaling, reading empowering books, investing in personal and self-development are all great avenues to connect with your inner self.
Are you Ready to Shake Off the Toxicity in Your Relationships?
My zone of genius is working with people to bring in love, peace, harmony and joy back into their life and relationships.
I work with my clients to offer the support and help them to access their deeply embedded, unconscious emotional trauma and beliefs that keep them stuck in bad relationships.
In my sessions, we work on a deep level, healing the traumas of the past and re-framing the subconscious programming to allow you to create a happy, healthy, lasting and loving Soulmate Relationship.
If you are ready to resolve your relationship drama, book in a ThetaHealing® session and work with me exclusively.
Together, we will uncover all your relationship baggage, wipe it clean, and re-frame your subconscious to enable to you move on and build a happy, mutually loving, supportive and healthy relationship!