When you look back at your life, do you notice a pattern of drama and trauma?
Maybe it’s in one aspect of your life, or an undercurrent that runs through EVERY aspect of your life.
When people experience something traumatic in their life, they create reference points, which can keep them stuck in the cycle of that trauma and drama.
It can happen in ANY aspect of your life…relationships, career, money, success, health, well-being…
Here are some of the most common things that I help clients with in my work.
Love & Relationships
Someone that has been in a toxic, controlling relationship creates reference points for that energy.
All the control, being suppressed, being blamed for everything, constantly being undermined and made to feel worthless becomes a norm for them. These all become their reference points for what a relationship is like for them.
This is the reason why people who have one toxic relationship have a tendency to keep going from one bad relationship to another, or just being stuck in a toxic relationship, even though they may be aware that it is detrimental to them.
The reference points may have been created very early on in life, from a toxic relationship with a parent or role mode. That energy is simply translated into and infiltrates any relationship that person has thereafter.
If the person from a toxic relationship meets someone that is genuine, loving, supportive and caring, the relationship will rarely last. Because the set-point for a relationship in that person has been created as being in a controlling, manipulative, nasty relationship, that becomes what “feels” safe and familiar to the individual.
In time, he or she will push away anyone that treats them well, as they are literally addicted to being treated like nothing.
Without even realising it or being consciously aware, they are seeking the behaviours and feelings of a toxic relationship, because that is their set-point and what they are used to.
Another example is in finances.
If someone has lost lots of money, due to a bad recession, a failed business, being involved with a business partner that took everything…then the reference point they build with money and business is that it’s normal for it to be taken away from them.
It may not even stem from a personal loss. The individual may have witnessed a family member suffering from this loss and creates a reference point based on that.
This individual will then go on to create more of what their “norm” has become, which in this case is that money is always taken away from them.
Cue the unexpected bills, the purse or wallet being stolen or being hit with a tax bill that was higher than expected! In short, they will manifest situations in which they will incur a financial loss, just to keep that reference point intact, and therefore, feel the safety and familiarity.
If they come into an unexpected windfall of money, they will usually be unable to hold onto it.
This is because HAVING money feels uncomfortable, they do not have any reference points for that. It feels safer not to have it.
They will find a way to get rid of the money somehow. It usually plays out by the person spending it all, giving it away to others, creating unexpected bills and expenses or manifesting situations like burglary or theft.
Another common reference point with respect to money is debt.
Say you grew up in a household were debt was inevitable…your parents had a mortgage, maybe they had to pay for things on credit or there was just a sense of a lack of money.
Your reference point with money becomes that there is never enough or that money is never available for you.
This particular reference point can keep you stuck in debt, suffering from a lack of money until the reference points are cleared.
No matter how well you do, no matter how much money you go on to create, and how much more you have than your family did when you were growing up…the “norm” for you is debt and lack…so guess what you continue to create?
Yes, more debt, more lack!
A lot of people who have had this experience find that they create cycles of debt and are never really able to get out of it.
Career, Success & Joy
If there has been a pattern of failure in an individual’s life, they will go on to keep on creating this cycle.
I have worked with clients whose patterns of failure started very early on in their childhood and it has become a regular pattern with anything and everything they do in life.
It may be a failed relationship, a failed business, failing exams, failing in their duty in some way.
Failing and living life devoid of joy or happiness becomes a part of their life…it is their set-point.
So, these people may create patterns of failing before they can finally achieve something, or just never being successful at all.
They become addicted to the drama and trauma of failure, so will continue to create it until the reference points are cleared.
Why would anyone in their right mind continue to CREATE drama and trauma?
Surely, no-one wants to intentionally CREATE drama and trauma in their life, right?
Don’t we all just want a peaceful life, with supportive and harmonious relationships, joy, success, good health and a purpose-led life and career?
In truth, we only ever do anything if we are getting something out of it.
The secondary gains of doing something that is seen to be “negative”, like never having enough money, staying in debt, or relationship drama etc, is rarely ever logical.
But there is always something to gain from it. If you dive deep enough, you will discover what that is.
When working with clients, very often, I find that the gain cannot even be verbalised and is more of an energy or charge.
When you clear that “charge”, you can peel through the layers and it becomes clearer to see why the person is creating the drama and trauma.
Here are a couple of THE most common reasons that I see when working with clients.
The truth is, most people love to create drama and trauma in their life to distract them from their true power.
As long as you aren’t owning your own power, it is easier to blame others and avoid taking responsibility and accountability for what YOU are creating., including the crap that you create!
It’s far easier to blame others for that, right?!
This isn’t usually a conscious decision that is made. It tends to be an unconscious decision and deep-seated programming that is so deeply embedded within us, which we are not even aware of.
People usually create drama and trauma to avoid something or because they get something out of it.
2) To Fit In
Most people want to fit in.
We are conditioned to be the same as everyone else. Never to deviate from the “norm” or you are the weird one.
Creating the drama and trauma around the normal things everyone else struggles with gives people a sense of belonging.
Imagine if you were the only one at the family gathering with plenty of money, always had more than you could spend, whilst everyone else was complaining about how hard their life is and how they are struggling with money…would it be easy to strike up a conversation with the others?
Most people tend to get into the game of “my situation is worse than yours”. It’s not something we do consciously.
It has been so deeply embedded within, that the natural response when others are complaining about their life, is to find something wrong with yours so you can join in!
Breaking the Cycle To Create More of What You Desire
Think about some drama or trauma that is going on with your life…it could be something occuring for you now, or a pattern that you notice…bring up that situation and perceive the energy it brings up as you think about it.
Now, amplify that energy, and ask yourself the following questions.
Be really honest with your answers.
There is no right and wrong answer, and if you are brutally honest with yourself, asking these questions may bring about the reasons why you may be choosing to unconsciously create drama in your life.
What is the value of that drama or trauma to you?
How entertaining is it for you?
What could I create if I allowed myself to let it go now?
What action step can I take today that would allow me to create beyond any drama and trauma?
Perceive the energy and answers that you get.
Let go anything that comes up which is no longer useful to you.
Follow any guidance or ideas that pop for you as you ask yourself these questions.
And finally, take the action!
What would your life be like if you set yourself free from all the past reference points that hold you back and keep you stuck in life?
Would you like to have the tools to be able to do this for yourself, so that you can easily navigate all the curveballs that life throws your way with ease and create something EVEN better than you ever imagined for your life?
You are invited to a new programme I have created which will be launched very soon.
I will teach you all the tools that are required for you to change ANYTHING in your life, so that you can start to live your dreams rather than just dreaming about them!
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